Mid 90s phones are just funny now
Why does no one tell me if we have people over, I just walked downstairs wearing a ‘say hey if youre gay’ T-shirt and batman boxers. We had 8 people over.
They sawdid any of them say hey
the arctic monkeys look like a 50s gang and im afraid they’re going to come out of the shadows one night and rhythmically snap their fingers at me
Only on the internet could you find a shark in a cat suit riding a roomba.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank You” will suffice. None of this “How did you get in my house” business. So rude
has anyone on this website ever heard of benedict cumberbatch
no what is that
is that a band
sounds like an illness
lycanthrope? no you misheard me. i’m a lichenthrope. i turn into moss at the full moon
imagine if people were born with traits based on their zodiac signs so like aries had ram horns and hoofs like a satyr and shit how rad would that be
i would be a giant fucking crab
motherfucker what is this shit, sand? fuck sand. i hate sand. thanks, mom. thanks for absolutely nothing, leaving me here on this fucking beach, is that a fucking seagull? oh my god, mom, you suck more than anything has ever sucked. i’m getting to that ocean just so i can urinate on your carapace. i’m gonna urinate on it so hard. fucking sand. i think five of my brothers just got eaten. good, i hated those assholes. i’m coming, mom. you’ve got blood on your flippers, bitch.
i love when u go to hot topic and u see a family in there and you can always tell exactly which child made the rest of the family go in
you darn kids with your falling boys and your panicked discos and your romantic chemicals
and your imaginary dragons
and your cold monkeys
you’re all a bunch of daft punks
Do not be frivolous with this wealth. Please do not waste it all on fast cars, and outrageous clothes, and a pursuit of a destructive lifestyle.